These are their stories...
RHIA
There are many things that can change the direction of someone's life, graduating, getting married, having a child, losing a parent, getting divorced and so many more things. I have done all those things. I got married at the age of 18 years to a man I had known for 3 weeks. I started having babies right away and had three sons in four years. My husband was not a very good husband or father but I was young and did not want to raise my sons alone so I stayed. In fact I stayed for 15 years before I just could not work to hold onto a broken marriage. After I separated from my husband I met a man I did not know that he was going to be the single biggest thing to happen to me in my life time.
We met at a dance and almost immediately we became inseparable. He was cute and funny and seemed to not be able to get enough of me. After 15 years of a man who did not seem to like me much this was a refreshing situation. He called and dropped by with flowers and was just so charming. He even seemed to get along with my sons who at that time were early teens and hard to get along with. I knew he had just gotten out of prison, but as he always said he had learned his lesson. I was on probation myself at this time and we should have not been together, but that just heightened the attraction. I should have seen the warning signs right then and there but I did not.
He moved in rather quickly, I just love to do things fast, and things seemed so blissful. He made coffee in the morning and cleaned up after himself and just could not get enough of the togetherness, I had been craving. The abuse did not start out physical it started with: I was lucky to have him, he could do so much better than me, the house needed to be cleaner, the boys needed to be quieter, and I needed to be home with him when he was, that my friends were not really my friends, and on and on.
The first sign of the physical abuse started not with hitting but pushing and grabbing. First came the apologies "I am so sorry I did not mean to grab you so hard but if you had only listened or did something right the first time we would have not had to go through that fight." As time went on the abuse got worse and happened at a faster pace. He started punching and kicking and burning and cutting. I was hiding all this from people who loved me, so I had no one to turn to. I could not even go to the law, as he was fond of pointing out. He was on parole and I was on probation if we had gotten caught together I risked going to jail myself. So, as the problem grew so did my fear that one of my boys were going to hurt him and end up in trouble themselves.
The final straw and the single most thing that changed my course with him was the day we had gone over to the neighbor's house for a bar-b-que and he thought I was flirting with the husband. The fight was on when we got home. There was nothing I could say or do to end this thing. I sent my sons to the store to see if I could defuse the situation, I did not want them to see anymore then they had to. He got angrier and angrier and went for his gun. It was not the first time that a weapon had been brought in but this time I was really scared. I was right to be scared, he placed the gun in my mouth because I was lying to him and I deserved to die for that and shooting through my lying mouth made sense to him. I remember being very calm and thinking about a lot of things, was I right with God, yes, would the boys be ok, no, but in the end the only thing I could pray for was that my boys not be the ones to find me. His uncle showed up and talked him out of shooting me and I ran. I got my children and ran as far as I could.
I tell this domestic violence story not for sympathy but to point out that you never know what the one thing in your life is going to be that changes you and everything you believe. If someone had told me I would let myself be hurt in this manner I would have laughed. I did find out that I am stronger than I thought. I also found out my children were not as blind as I thought. The biggest thing I found out was that even someone who was smart could get into a situation like this. I just want anyone who is going through this to know you can get out and be safe. That is why I tell my story I am no longer ashamed and if one person can find a way out because they have heard my story then it is worth all the pain to relive it. So, if you or someone you love is going through this just know you are not alone and you are stronger then you think. Today could be your changing day.
~ Rhia.
There are many things that can change the direction of someone's life, graduating, getting married, having a child, losing a parent, getting divorced and so many more things. I have done all those things. I got married at the age of 18 years to a man I had known for 3 weeks. I started having babies right away and had three sons in four years. My husband was not a very good husband or father but I was young and did not want to raise my sons alone so I stayed. In fact I stayed for 15 years before I just could not work to hold onto a broken marriage. After I separated from my husband I met a man I did not know that he was going to be the single biggest thing to happen to me in my life time.
We met at a dance and almost immediately we became inseparable. He was cute and funny and seemed to not be able to get enough of me. After 15 years of a man who did not seem to like me much this was a refreshing situation. He called and dropped by with flowers and was just so charming. He even seemed to get along with my sons who at that time were early teens and hard to get along with. I knew he had just gotten out of prison, but as he always said he had learned his lesson. I was on probation myself at this time and we should have not been together, but that just heightened the attraction. I should have seen the warning signs right then and there but I did not.
He moved in rather quickly, I just love to do things fast, and things seemed so blissful. He made coffee in the morning and cleaned up after himself and just could not get enough of the togetherness, I had been craving. The abuse did not start out physical it started with: I was lucky to have him, he could do so much better than me, the house needed to be cleaner, the boys needed to be quieter, and I needed to be home with him when he was, that my friends were not really my friends, and on and on.
The first sign of the physical abuse started not with hitting but pushing and grabbing. First came the apologies "I am so sorry I did not mean to grab you so hard but if you had only listened or did something right the first time we would have not had to go through that fight." As time went on the abuse got worse and happened at a faster pace. He started punching and kicking and burning and cutting. I was hiding all this from people who loved me, so I had no one to turn to. I could not even go to the law, as he was fond of pointing out. He was on parole and I was on probation if we had gotten caught together I risked going to jail myself. So, as the problem grew so did my fear that one of my boys were going to hurt him and end up in trouble themselves.
The final straw and the single most thing that changed my course with him was the day we had gone over to the neighbor's house for a bar-b-que and he thought I was flirting with the husband. The fight was on when we got home. There was nothing I could say or do to end this thing. I sent my sons to the store to see if I could defuse the situation, I did not want them to see anymore then they had to. He got angrier and angrier and went for his gun. It was not the first time that a weapon had been brought in but this time I was really scared. I was right to be scared, he placed the gun in my mouth because I was lying to him and I deserved to die for that and shooting through my lying mouth made sense to him. I remember being very calm and thinking about a lot of things, was I right with God, yes, would the boys be ok, no, but in the end the only thing I could pray for was that my boys not be the ones to find me. His uncle showed up and talked him out of shooting me and I ran. I got my children and ran as far as I could.
I tell this domestic violence story not for sympathy but to point out that you never know what the one thing in your life is going to be that changes you and everything you believe. If someone had told me I would let myself be hurt in this manner I would have laughed. I did find out that I am stronger than I thought. I also found out my children were not as blind as I thought. The biggest thing I found out was that even someone who was smart could get into a situation like this. I just want anyone who is going through this to know you can get out and be safe. That is why I tell my story I am no longer ashamed and if one person can find a way out because they have heard my story then it is worth all the pain to relive it. So, if you or someone you love is going through this just know you are not alone and you are stronger then you think. Today could be your changing day.
~ Rhia.
SELENA
Well I got with my first proper boyfriend at the age of 17, it soon started by him not liking me talking to my friends or socializing. Maybe I was young and didn't understand what it was! But at the age of 19 I had my wonderful little boy, that's when it really kicked in! When my little boy was 5 days old, he threaten to kill him and me, As I didn't give him one of the bottles of milk from the hospital!
Then the hitting and kicking and verbal abuse! Making me eat out of a bin, shoving my face in ash trays, dragging me down the stairs by my hair! I used to think it was me, I 'd been bad somehow, that I was being punished for something?! Him knocking me out with a car battery! Being chased round the streets with a sword, having a knife held to my throat, fearing for my life, and my little boy's.
You ask why didn't you leave? Well, I was petrified of him, I knew what he was capable off. So I took it to keep him sweet.This went on for 18 months and the abuse was daily! But one day something clicked and I was 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!??' So I told him it was over! He went completely mental!! Left me a message on my mums answer phone telling me, he was going to rape me and my mum and make my little boy watch, and then kill us and cut our bodies up and set us on fire!! But I didn't give in. I stood strong. Then he got me, he kept me in house, but I got out of his room, he then broke my nose and my collar bone.
But that day I saw what a sad little person he was: Nothing but a bully!!!
Then I meet what I thought was my MR RIGHT!! Ohhh my gosh how wrong I was! It was fine for the first year, yeah he had a temper but never at me, but then he suddenly flipped his lid, smashed the house up, threw me around ... but said how sorry he was and it would never happen again! I believed him, WHY THOUGH?!
Then we had a gorgeous little girl together, I thought this would make him calm down and stop the drinking and taking drugs. Did it hell. The night his daughter was born he went out on a crack binge and missed her being born. I chucked him out 7 months after my daughter was born. He went on a mad one, came to my house smashed the place up, threw me across the road, said he was going to kill him and my little girl!! Did I believe him? YES I did, he has mental issues. I tried to keep my distance, but he had a right to see my little girl. Well, so I thought. He had my little girl one day, I went too pick her up, he went mental and punched me, he then slashed his wrists and took an overdose, but I didn't feel sorry for him, he said this was all my fault but I had then learned it wasn't!
He came to my house one night when I was there alone and said he had nowhere to stop, could he sleep on the sofa? I felt bad and finally agreed! He made me a cup of tea and then I woke up the next morning in bed! I didn't remember getting there, or the night before. But I knew I had some kind of sexual intercourse, there was a note on the floor saying "you're nothing but a f***ing B****!". I didn't understand, he wouldn't answer the phone to me, but I remember the tea tasting funny, he had spiked me and had sex with me!
He made me feel sick, how dare he do that to me! The coward!
There were so many times, of him taking overdoses and slashing his wrists to get my attention and telling me if he died people would blame me, as I was so nasty to him!
I didn't really see him for about 8 months he disappeared. He then got back in contact saying he wanted to be friends and see my little girl, I agreed, as long as it was on my terms.
So he saw his little girl at my house with me there, and behaved his self. He then asked me if we could try again I said NO, as I didn't trust him, he did so many things behind my back when we was together, and the abuse.
One day he kept ringing me saying that I would regret what I had decided and that he was coming to get me. I ignored him, as he had been drinking, so I went home from work, walked into my house. For some reason I only turned the hall light on, walked into living room , with not turning the light on - there he was stood behind the door, He grabbed me! The next 2.5 hours were the worst hours of my life!! He looked different, he looked evil, he had pure hatred in his eyes! I will NEVER forgot that look EVER! I seriously thought that was it for me! I tried to find the house phone but he had took the batteries out of it and hid it, he took my mobile off me, so it was just literally me and him!! He punched me, he kicked me, he threw me round the room like I was a rag doll!! He spat on me, He put my head through my wall. He strangled me. In this time he had broke my arm, broke my ribs! He then walked into the kitchen saying where are the knifes as it was all going to be over. But somehow he forgot what he went in there for!! I 'm so grateful he did!!
Some reason he stopped it all, and just walked out of the house, I've never felt so much relief!
It didn't stop there though ... going to court, the panic alarms in my house, Police checking on me!!
Well he got sent to prison and he has not long got out, but there is a indefinite injunction and non molestation order on him. But yes he has breeched it! He is now back at court later this month. It's like he is still ruling my life: I have the panic alarms back, I have to watch where I go ...
~ Selena.
Well I got with my first proper boyfriend at the age of 17, it soon started by him not liking me talking to my friends or socializing. Maybe I was young and didn't understand what it was! But at the age of 19 I had my wonderful little boy, that's when it really kicked in! When my little boy was 5 days old, he threaten to kill him and me, As I didn't give him one of the bottles of milk from the hospital!
Then the hitting and kicking and verbal abuse! Making me eat out of a bin, shoving my face in ash trays, dragging me down the stairs by my hair! I used to think it was me, I 'd been bad somehow, that I was being punished for something?! Him knocking me out with a car battery! Being chased round the streets with a sword, having a knife held to my throat, fearing for my life, and my little boy's.
You ask why didn't you leave? Well, I was petrified of him, I knew what he was capable off. So I took it to keep him sweet.This went on for 18 months and the abuse was daily! But one day something clicked and I was 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!??' So I told him it was over! He went completely mental!! Left me a message on my mums answer phone telling me, he was going to rape me and my mum and make my little boy watch, and then kill us and cut our bodies up and set us on fire!! But I didn't give in. I stood strong. Then he got me, he kept me in house, but I got out of his room, he then broke my nose and my collar bone.
But that day I saw what a sad little person he was: Nothing but a bully!!!
Then I meet what I thought was my MR RIGHT!! Ohhh my gosh how wrong I was! It was fine for the first year, yeah he had a temper but never at me, but then he suddenly flipped his lid, smashed the house up, threw me around ... but said how sorry he was and it would never happen again! I believed him, WHY THOUGH?!
Then we had a gorgeous little girl together, I thought this would make him calm down and stop the drinking and taking drugs. Did it hell. The night his daughter was born he went out on a crack binge and missed her being born. I chucked him out 7 months after my daughter was born. He went on a mad one, came to my house smashed the place up, threw me across the road, said he was going to kill him and my little girl!! Did I believe him? YES I did, he has mental issues. I tried to keep my distance, but he had a right to see my little girl. Well, so I thought. He had my little girl one day, I went too pick her up, he went mental and punched me, he then slashed his wrists and took an overdose, but I didn't feel sorry for him, he said this was all my fault but I had then learned it wasn't!
He came to my house one night when I was there alone and said he had nowhere to stop, could he sleep on the sofa? I felt bad and finally agreed! He made me a cup of tea and then I woke up the next morning in bed! I didn't remember getting there, or the night before. But I knew I had some kind of sexual intercourse, there was a note on the floor saying "you're nothing but a f***ing B****!". I didn't understand, he wouldn't answer the phone to me, but I remember the tea tasting funny, he had spiked me and had sex with me!
He made me feel sick, how dare he do that to me! The coward!
There were so many times, of him taking overdoses and slashing his wrists to get my attention and telling me if he died people would blame me, as I was so nasty to him!
I didn't really see him for about 8 months he disappeared. He then got back in contact saying he wanted to be friends and see my little girl, I agreed, as long as it was on my terms.
So he saw his little girl at my house with me there, and behaved his self. He then asked me if we could try again I said NO, as I didn't trust him, he did so many things behind my back when we was together, and the abuse.
One day he kept ringing me saying that I would regret what I had decided and that he was coming to get me. I ignored him, as he had been drinking, so I went home from work, walked into my house. For some reason I only turned the hall light on, walked into living room , with not turning the light on - there he was stood behind the door, He grabbed me! The next 2.5 hours were the worst hours of my life!! He looked different, he looked evil, he had pure hatred in his eyes! I will NEVER forgot that look EVER! I seriously thought that was it for me! I tried to find the house phone but he had took the batteries out of it and hid it, he took my mobile off me, so it was just literally me and him!! He punched me, he kicked me, he threw me round the room like I was a rag doll!! He spat on me, He put my head through my wall. He strangled me. In this time he had broke my arm, broke my ribs! He then walked into the kitchen saying where are the knifes as it was all going to be over. But somehow he forgot what he went in there for!! I 'm so grateful he did!!
Some reason he stopped it all, and just walked out of the house, I've never felt so much relief!
It didn't stop there though ... going to court, the panic alarms in my house, Police checking on me!!
Well he got sent to prison and he has not long got out, but there is a indefinite injunction and non molestation order on him. But yes he has breeched it! He is now back at court later this month. It's like he is still ruling my life: I have the panic alarms back, I have to watch where I go ...
~ Selena.
TIFFANYEver since I can remember I had never had the love or attention of my parents. My mom was more worried about looking pretty and making sure my dad wasn't cheating on her than her 3 daughters ...
My oldest sister was 15, the other one that followed was 14 and I was 7, I also had a 2 year old little brother at the time. My "Father" had been abusing my two sisters all their life. He started raping them when they each turned 13. My sisters showed and told my mother what was going on ... they would show her their bloody privates but she never cared - or I guess her marriage to a sick man was more important than the well being of her daughters.
I was very young, all I remember was one incident of him on top of me and my mom saying he should stop because he was going to suffocate me, I was crying. I have no other memories of my childhood. none at all. He died that year 1987. He did scar us forever. My sisters have not been able to have a normal relationship ever since and neither had I until I found Jesus.
After my Dad died we moved to my mother's hometown in Mexico with my grandmother and uncle, aunts and lots of cousins. Soon after we arrived, one of my male cousins who was 13 at the time started abusing me: he would touch my breasts and my private part. It went on for years, until I was 13. At around 10 years old my other cousin who was about 19 at the time started tongue kissing me and grabbing me and rubbing himself on me.
We finally moved to the States after that, to Chicago. And my mom's Puerto rican boyfriend started to touch me too. Again no one did anything about it. I felt like no one cared.
I was told that I could use my body as a weapon to get what I wanted. my grandmother told me I should be a stripper or a high class prostitute. is there such thing? My mother said I should just look for rich old guys and take their money for sex. It was no surprise I ended up going off with a 43 year old rich man when I was only 17 after my own mother's advise. It only lasted 4 months and I came back home with a child in me. My most beautiful treasure. My wonderfully smart boy! God meant for him to be born, and I love him very much.
My son was two years old when I met who I thought was my prince charming! He was handsome, polite, smart and sooo nice to me. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. Right after that he started abusing me. He used to call me names from slut, prostitute, stupid, ugly, he said I was good for nothing and the only reason he was with me was so I could clean the house and he could have sex with me. He said he was too lazy to masturbate so he might as well use me. After a while, I actually believed him: I believed that I was ugly, stupid, dumb, that I couldn't do anything right. I didn't have his permission to speak to my mom, or any family member, I had no friends. I tried committing suicide twice, but the thought of my son being alone made me think twice and Thanks to My wonderful God I never made it happened.
Two years after we got together, we had a beautiful baby girl, and I thought that would change him - it didn't. He would choke me, push me, slap me, rape me. It lasted 8 horrible years.
I can say now that he was wrong! That I AM a good woman, I AM smart and I CAN do it all! I have given my life to Jesus, prayed for a wonderful husband which God has granted me. I have met the most amazing man in the world! Who cherishes me, takes good care of me, loves me and lets me know day by day he does; he loves my children and I'm very happy to say we are expecting a baby boy and getting married very soon. ALL THANKS TO GOD!
Please don't let no one treat you that way, God meant for us to live happy in victory and in His presence. NO ONE deserves to live in fear, abused by no one. Make a stop to this as soon as you can, a man that has always beaten you or abused you verbally will NOT change. GET OUT! You deserve to be HAPPY.
~ Tiffany
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My oldest sister was 15, the other one that followed was 14 and I was 7, I also had a 2 year old little brother at the time. My "Father" had been abusing my two sisters all their life. He started raping them when they each turned 13. My sisters showed and told my mother what was going on ... they would show her their bloody privates but she never cared - or I guess her marriage to a sick man was more important than the well being of her daughters.
I was very young, all I remember was one incident of him on top of me and my mom saying he should stop because he was going to suffocate me, I was crying. I have no other memories of my childhood. none at all. He died that year 1987. He did scar us forever. My sisters have not been able to have a normal relationship ever since and neither had I until I found Jesus.
After my Dad died we moved to my mother's hometown in Mexico with my grandmother and uncle, aunts and lots of cousins. Soon after we arrived, one of my male cousins who was 13 at the time started abusing me: he would touch my breasts and my private part. It went on for years, until I was 13. At around 10 years old my other cousin who was about 19 at the time started tongue kissing me and grabbing me and rubbing himself on me.
We finally moved to the States after that, to Chicago. And my mom's Puerto rican boyfriend started to touch me too. Again no one did anything about it. I felt like no one cared.
I was told that I could use my body as a weapon to get what I wanted. my grandmother told me I should be a stripper or a high class prostitute. is there such thing? My mother said I should just look for rich old guys and take their money for sex. It was no surprise I ended up going off with a 43 year old rich man when I was only 17 after my own mother's advise. It only lasted 4 months and I came back home with a child in me. My most beautiful treasure. My wonderfully smart boy! God meant for him to be born, and I love him very much.
My son was two years old when I met who I thought was my prince charming! He was handsome, polite, smart and sooo nice to me. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. Right after that he started abusing me. He used to call me names from slut, prostitute, stupid, ugly, he said I was good for nothing and the only reason he was with me was so I could clean the house and he could have sex with me. He said he was too lazy to masturbate so he might as well use me. After a while, I actually believed him: I believed that I was ugly, stupid, dumb, that I couldn't do anything right. I didn't have his permission to speak to my mom, or any family member, I had no friends. I tried committing suicide twice, but the thought of my son being alone made me think twice and Thanks to My wonderful God I never made it happened.
Two years after we got together, we had a beautiful baby girl, and I thought that would change him - it didn't. He would choke me, push me, slap me, rape me. It lasted 8 horrible years.
I can say now that he was wrong! That I AM a good woman, I AM smart and I CAN do it all! I have given my life to Jesus, prayed for a wonderful husband which God has granted me. I have met the most amazing man in the world! Who cherishes me, takes good care of me, loves me and lets me know day by day he does; he loves my children and I'm very happy to say we are expecting a baby boy and getting married very soon. ALL THANKS TO GOD!
Please don't let no one treat you that way, God meant for us to live happy in victory and in His presence. NO ONE deserves to live in fear, abused by no one. Make a stop to this as soon as you can, a man that has always beaten you or abused you verbally will NOT change. GET OUT! You deserve to be HAPPY.
~ Tiffany
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